You. [3.13.10]

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane,
[I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.]



“I know the man I am is not who I should be
The devil takes my hand says, “Child come with me.”
My body shivers and aches, I can’t break free
Why do the things I hate come so naturally?
(I need you now,
I need you more than ever before.)”



(i’m starting to believe that the ocean is much like You, because it gives and it takes away.)



and it’s taken me a long time to realize this, but i think it’s finally all falling into place. i mean, i know i’ll wake up in the morning and it’ll all be one big mess again, but right now i know. i spent a long time trying to work all this out for myself. i’ve been afraid of a fall, of releasing my hold on all of these things. i know i talk about letting go, but tonight it’s not so much about letting go as it is accepting reality. the fact that His simplicity is more than enough for all my complexities. I’m a mess and it feels so good to acknowledge that. there’s freedom in not even having to try.



“You’ve got me all taken care of, don’t You?”
“child, I always have.” 



i guess i could sit in this dark room all my life waiting for someone to turn the light on, or trying to pretend that i was okay in the dark. i could blame others all i wanted for the fact that i couldn’t see anything. or i could open my eyes and realize that the light was on, that the darkness existed only in my head and that around me everything was illuminated with a brightness fiercer than i could imagine.
it was simply a matter of embracing it.
and when i did, 
it was enough. 



and so You’ve been here all along, I guess
it’s just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get.



[And oh, how He loves us so.]