then. [3.11.10]

“i took a trip down the streets downtown the other day, going no where in particular because i needed to be no where. i wasn’t thinking, for i had nothing in particular to think about, and lately all the thoughts i had seemed jumbled up, like lint in the farthest pockets of my brain. i wanted nothing and needed no one and desired little, and that was enough for me. there were a million voices that clamored for my attention, but i ignored them all. i was heedless to the fact of anything outside myself, and though that might sound self-centered i think it’s just honest, and maybe right for once. it came to me then, as my dirty shoes hit the broken sidewalk, that maybe this was all there was, all there is, all there ever will be. i wasn’t sure whether i should feel disappointed or angry, but then i looked up at the sky above me and the windows of the buildings, and i thought of rain and good books and the way your eyes look when you actually smile (a real smile, not the one where you pretend), and i realized that i’m quite all right with this kind of existence. life doesn’t really get to me in the way it has before, at least not in the bad way, and i guess i can admit that i’m ready to embrace that and love it and fly with it in my own stumbling way. i thought about this as i walked down the street, as i tripped on the concrete and almost fell, as i smiled. and i realized that everything’s ok. not perfect, but ok. it felt good to realize that. maybe that’s the best way to live, or maybe i’m a little crazy, but either way i’d like to try it out.” 




“We lay there and looked up at the night sky and she told me about stars called blue squares and red swirls and I told her I’d never heard of them. Of course not, she said, the really important stuff they never tell you. You have to imagine it on your own.” - brian andreas. 



(and today it’s enough just to breathe.)