stars.

“please, sleep, my darling, sleep.
your cry for inspiration never reaches ears on distant stars.”

last night was one of the best nights of my life.

last night i spent two and a half hours on a rooftop with two fantastic people in the middle of nowhere, Texas. it’s easy to get lost somewhere in between the sound of crickets and the slightly cool midnight air. it’s easy to see a lot of stars.. a ton of stars. with no city lights to disrupt the skies above, heavenly imagery abounds above. it’s easy just to sit. to watch. to be.

“fall asleep with the windows open
come to me with the worst you’ve said and done
you’ll close your eyes and see me
a little death makes life more meaningful.”

it’s easy to laugh at myself on nights like last night. because in the midst of so much chaos and turmoil and despair, there’s something about looking at the canopy of stars above that reminds me of who i am.
and who God is.

Donald Miller put it this way: “There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty.”

my big battle lately has been trying to let go of stress over things that i can’t control. i have so many issues with it. to be 100% honest, i’m a control freak. and losing control of things scares me. i’ll spend hours or days worrying over things that have already happened, or things that will happen inevitably whether i want them to or not.

and last night i was challenged to
let
that
go.

“one by one the years of our lives stumble
as the moments pass.
(so please hold on.)”

last night i was reminded yet again what a beautiful, mysterious, compassionate, glorious God i serve. and it suddenly seems so silly to hold on to my vices. my burdens, my cares. i play this constant game where i try to convince myself that i can take care of things better than God can. and it never works… it never works. God is god and i am me and more than ever right now i’m grateful for that.

last night… looking at the stars on a rooftop, juggling a million thoughts and talking with two people about life and God and relationships… it felt like honestly. it felt like reality. i feel like it’s the most real, the most honest, the most alive i’ve felt in a while. i think that comes with letting go.