I’m short on words today
Your porcelain heart cracked
Spilling crimson blood on these white pages
and my hands are covered in guilt but
my eyes are opened wide for what feels the first time
Sunlight floods in through these cracks-
my ribcage torn open, heart exposed
as I set pen to paper recording all
the multitudes of syllables
I want to shout but can’t.
The dam of apathy breaks, floodgates open and
The pain is glorious, unending and terrible and
I revel in the feeling of feeling at all
Of precious blood pulsing through swollen veins drop by drop
Declaring life and forcing movement
So I stand on shaking legs because I cannot sit any longer, cannot watch the way this life unfolds without me.
But i am small and the weight of my presence is too much for my breaking heart - splinted together with wishful thinking, promises of happiness and certainties of failure.
So I watch as the shadows return and I slide beneath them
Watching the coming darkness with bloodshot eyes yet hoping for the light.