redeemed. [6/3/10]

I feel so much… redemption. I believe in hope and change… that it is possible to walk away from a life of destruction and into a life of hope. I believe it because I have felt it, I have known it, I have embraced it. I acknowledge the fact that the person I was wasn’t good. I was a mess. But I’m not afraid to admit that. It simply makes me so much more grateful for the way things are now. You only learn to appreciate the light by experiencing the dark.”
“It makes me happy to hear you say these things, Child.”
“These things make me happy. You make me happy… Your joy, Your love, Your life. I only wish that people could accept that.”
“Accept what?”
“That it is possible to change. No matter how many times I walk away from my past, no matter how many times I hand it over to you and accept your forgiveness, someone is always around to bring everything back up. To remind me of the depths to which I fell.”
“But that isn’t you… not anymore.”
“I know that…. I know it. I believe it. But why can’t they? The person I am now… hates who I was then. Healing and learning and recovering has been such a process. It’s raw… it hurts. And every time someone brings it up again, every old wound reopens. Every scar is magnified tenfold. Sometimes there’s not much I can do except distract myself in any way possible.. because the more I am reminded of my past, the sicker it makes me feel. The further I want to distance myself from it… the more I want to change.”
“I have a question for you.”
“Yes?”
“Do You trust me?”
“You know I do… I’m trying. I’m trying so hard.”
“Listen to me. Empty your mind of every other thought. You… are mine. I cried over you, fought for you, ran after you, sought after you. I bought you back. I brought you back from death, because that is who I am. There is no room for wrath when you are in my arms. There is no room for judgment. The past is the past. It is over and done. That story is finished. Though people may try to fit you into that story line, the final chapter is written already. You are Mine, and I love you.”
“I don’t know why.”
“Because that is who I am. And that is My business… redemption is My song and My life and My heart. Grace has covered all of this.. all of you. Let it go. Let them go. What matters is Me… what matters is you. I’ve taken care of everything, and You are free. Let people talk if they must talk. Let them rage and point fingers and throw stones. Talk cannot change the fact that lives are transformed… that healing is possible. That redemption is more than a word. That you, you are mine. You are not broken. You are not your past. You are new. You are new because of Me, because of my grace that can take a broken girl and turn her life around. My grace that does not change. You are beautiful. You are changed.”